Reverie

All the words I couldn’t say

Got lost along the way

And when I felt strong

The words just felt wrong

I wish I could stay

Forever in the fray

Something to get eager about

Beyond a shadow of a doubt

I don’t want to be cryptic

I almost missed it

The feeling of being alive

The monotony makes me hollow inside

The words flow out onto pages

To think of the life I’ve lived in stages

Where do I go from here?

End times feel like they’re near

It all sounds so silly and sad

But I’m glad it made me mad

The empty heart is one with me

Until I can feel it beat

No more auditing myself

My words are now my wealth

If they have a problem with it

They can go take respite

I’m not going to pretend anymore

To not be myself is such a bore

It stymies me to the point of reserve

Is this something I actually deserve?

In a world so contained by expectation

When will I realize it’s not just reservation?

It’s an innate need to be loved and seen

Everyone and everything can feel so mean

Maybe that’s the inner child speaking

She’s stuck somewhere inside shrieking

Let me out of this pragmatic nightmare

In my dreams my enemies glare

They know my points of weakness

It covers to the point of bleakness

Then the visceral night visions begin

It goes beyond the surface with the tiniest pin

Into the deepest, darkest secrets I carry

Its terror taking me down so merry

But I won’t let it win the fight

It speaks to me only out of spite

I find rest in the unknown

Something in which I have grown

I need it in order to be whole

For the spirit to fill my mind and soul

The heart and mind constantly bicker

To the point where the outside is wicker

It’s been hardened by past events

Even the ones that no longer make sense

The mind forgets and buries

But the heart remembers in hurries

Never sit still ever again

Just long enough until the next sin

It no longer should take ahold of me

The past mistakes collected their fee

I’m forgiven by a love so rare

I wonder if it even flourishes up there

But I know the truth in the depths

I just have to take those steps

Into the spiritual duality of living

It’s merely a process of pivoting

I look back on all the decisions made

I can no longer be haunted or dismayed

Because I know this is where I should be

I love this life and all of its reverie